Finally at peace

At last I feel like I'm okay here. I don't really know what did it. Time, probably. All I do know is that I'm so glad to finally be able to focus on what I'm doing instead of how lame and uncomfortable I'm feeling. It was not benefitting the kids under my care for me to have the inner anguish I was fostering. I was simmering with disdain for my job and it wasn't fair to them. The inward man always manifests himself outwardly in all eventuality, and my poor attitude wasn't masked for very long. I still don't know if I will work at Summer Fest next year, but at least now I can have a good time with these wonderful kids and they will have fun too while I'm here. My opinions haven't changed much but my attitude has, and I suppose that's what gets the job done right. Whether or not I like what I'm doing, the kids are there to have the camp experience and their parents have paid good money for them to be there. For me to rob them of that experience simply because I'm having a bad day (or month) is selfish and really immature.

I wonder what other job I could do next summer if I choose not to be a Summer Fest counselor. Working with kids is really all I know and all I want to do. Well, that's a year away and frankly I don't want to worry about it right now. God knows what is in store for me and that keeps me worry free for the time being. It's so hard to trust Him, though. I have been doing better lately but still I can trust more. I have been feeling really under the weather these past few days. It doesn't help that my dumb butt assumed it doesn't get cold in Oakland in the summer, and I only packed one sweatshirt, one light jacket and no long sleeve shirts. Unfortunately, we do have to swim every day at work and I'm sick! It's too darn cold to be swimming. I'm used to getting in the pool only if it's above 90 degrees. Here it's 70 or 80. Brrr! Bakersfieldians are still wearing long sleeves in the 70's. 110 degrees, now that's swimming weather. Tonight, I rest. I don't want to do anything. Not even type. I'm done for today.